Seriously.

Time to hit the books. One very short month left to go. As the month of January draws to an end, I look back and realize that my month has been spent drinking wine, going to birthday parties, madly writing off essays for my tutors for the sake of completing them rather than retaining them, working on outlines that I am not even halfway through, and getting myself into various emotional crises. So really, about 25% of my focus has been on the bar.

I think I'm having a breakdown.

Day to day, I'm calm, but I have been doing some really f&*#ed up things. I can't even go into it (such is the horror) but it needs to end. Is it because of the stress of the bar and the need to redirect my stress elsewhere? Is it because of the major life changes that I've been through this past year? Without a doubt, 2006 has been the single most dramatic and eventful year of my life. I have not handled it well. Through all my completely self-imposed drama, I remember a quote I once heard, "Don't throw away the best part of your life just because you're a little unsure of who you are." It may not mean too much to you, but it has meaning for me.

I have to put all this crap behind me and attain some kind of zen-like, single-minded focus. Bar exam passage is my nirvana. Not to mention keep my hands and feet to myself.