No!

I don't think I passed. I can't believe it. I'm glad the waiting is over, but I'm feeling pretty miserable. This has NOT been a good year.

I hope many of you passed.

Feeling Sick

The anxiety is going to kill me. I tried to put it out of my mind all day, and now it's about 40 minutes until results...I've decided to just let the craziness flow free.

As Last Call said, third time's the charm!

A special good luck to my fellow bloggers out there, especially Grand Poobah, Blondie, Last Call, and Richard...your blogs kept me sane!!

How are you going to spend your day?

I (unfortunately) remember this day well. It felt surreal last time. I went to spa, got a massage, and tried to relax. It didn't work.

So this time, I'm not going to a spa. What's the point? I'm too anxious. Best to just go when I can thoroughly enjoy it, which is NOT now. So, in the morning, I'm taking the day off and going to get my teeth whitened after sleeping in as long as possible. I'm going to try Brite Smile. Then, I may do some boutique shopping along Robertson followed by yoga and running. I think subconsciously, the plan is to work on my physical appearance via beauty treatments, clothes, and exercise so as to have an alternative (aka become a stripper) should that-which-cannot-be-named happen. If using the brain doesn't work, I'm going to have to resort to baser measures.

This is a new low.

I don't even know what kind of nonsense I'm spewing. I've been like this all week, particularly today. I actually just want to shuffle out in my pjs to Blockbuster in the morning, rent some sappy DVDs, cover my windows, order a pizza, and zone out in front of my tv. I literally don't want to do anything except curl in my bed, eat, and watch tv. Tomorrow, I will be able to function again because this limbo will finally be OVER.

How are you guys holding up?

The Pass Rate for July 2007 in CA is 56.1%!!

OMG OMG OMG.

The pass rate is already out. You can check it out at http://calbar.ca.gov/calbar/pdfs/admissions/Pass_StatsSummary.pdf

The pass rate is higher than it has been since July 2001...this is either fantastic or dismal, depending on what end of the spectrum you end up on. I can't believe that these people have the results all ready, our letters printed out and ready to go, and yet....we have to wait until Friday at 6:00 to find out our fate.

As it is, I can't function this week. I'm exhausted and my eye is constantly twitching. I wish they'd just post it as soon as they're done grading, as they obviously are if they're sitting around playing with their calculators and compiling pdfs of stats.

Ahhh....if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that we are a resilient group.

They're Baaaaaack....

I missed my old friends, Bar Exam Nightmares. The other day, I had my first nightmare about the exam since, well, the exam. Something about being out with friends, desperately needing to check the internet to find out if I passed, and being unable to say anything or actually check because I didn't want everyone to pay attention to whether I passed. It turns out I didn't, and I woke up in confused terror.

No matter how much I say that I'm at peace with this (because really, the first time you find out you didn't pass is the most terrible), I dread that feeling of complete despair that comes in the minutes following the news that one did not pass. It passes and you bounce back to pragmatic optimism, but those times are so dark that I'm actually scared.

For me, I just want to freakin' KNOW. One way or the other, so I can move on with my life. I think I've said it before, but it's the limbo that kills me. It makes me feel better if I can just make a plan for the next few months. I've already planned to take next Friday off from work, and so has the other law clerk anticipating results. We've agreed not to talk about it and to not check each other's names on the pass list. I think we're going to pretend like this hell never happened.

May the days pass quickly...