I missed my old friends, Bar Exam Nightmares. The other day, I had my first nightmare about the exam since, well, the exam. Something about being out with friends, desperately needing to check the internet to find out if I passed, and being unable to say anything or actually check because I didn't want everyone to pay attention to whether I passed. It turns out I didn't, and I woke up in confused terror.
No matter how much I say that I'm at peace with this (because really, the first time you find out you didn't pass is the most terrible), I dread that feeling of complete despair that comes in the minutes following the news that one did not pass. It passes and you bounce back to pragmatic optimism, but those times are so dark that I'm actually scared.
For me, I just want to freakin' KNOW. One way or the other, so I can move on with my life. I think I've said it before, but it's the limbo that kills me. It makes me feel better if I can just make a plan for the next few months. I've already planned to take next Friday off from work, and so has the other law clerk anticipating results. We've agreed not to talk about it and to not check each other's names on the pass list. I think we're going to pretend like this hell never happened.
May the days pass quickly...
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3 comments:
I suppose you could just stay up until results are released. That way, whether you pass or not, you'll be so relieved to be able to go to sleep, it'll all be good!
See! I have an answer for everything!
hehe mine havent come back but last few nights kinda passed out sorta sleep owing to too much JD n coke!
I was out of the country until yesterday but I could not escape the nightmares either (despite not thinking about it at all during the day). They started for mid last week, too!
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