Okay, nevermind!

I had a completely unprofessional moment yesterday. So, you know how I've been looking for non-legal jobs? I had myself fully convinced that I wanted to take a break from law and explore other options while I could. While I do feel that law may not be my ultimate career goal, that perspective has somewhat changed.

I managed to get an offer at a Fortune 100 fashion company, starting at an entry level corporate position. Mind you, it was very unglamorous and entailed doing some retail, but it was a start. I accepted it last week. I was to start on Monday, but then over the weekend, I started to have second thoughts. The salary was pitiful (a little more than 1/3 of what I made at my old firm!!), but I was prepared to take a massive cut in pay due to my lack of experience in any other field. I just started to feel that I couldn't jump to another field yet. My battle with law is not yet complete!! So, in an unprecedented move, I called the company and made up some convoluted reason why I couldn't accept the position. It was mortifying, but they seemed to understand and even said to contact them should my circumstances change.

Did I make the right decision? I don't know. There are those who say that our lives are a tapestry reflecting the decisions we make. We know that we make certain decisions, which leads us down certain roads, which then leads us to other choices that we would not have had we not traveled down that road. I wonder, what doors would have opened up for me if I had gone down that road? It seems that I wonder this a lot lately, with my career, love, and life in general.

Friends think I should have taken the job. It's not something I feel comfortable admitting to people, but I think a major part of the reason is pride. A small part of me feels like I would be taking the easy way out, and maybe my desire to work in another field comes from my lack of success (i.e. not passing the bar) in this field. I explore this in my mind, and think that no, I truly like fashion and would truly like to try other fields, but I want to be sure that this is the reason. I don't want to question myself, nor do I want others to question me. Once I pass the bar, I can do whatever I want to, and I won't have to wonder if it's because I couldn't cut it in law.

But in the meantime, this leaves me without a job. I do not want to go back to my old firm! And so, for the first time ever, I'm taking a break. I'm looking for some temp or part time jobs in law to float me and husband and using the rest of the time to relax. There's also the possibility of doing some work for my old firm on a contractual basis, from home, which would be nice. If anyone has any job suggestions in the LA area, please let me know! :)

Tomorrow, I will go down to San Diego for a mini-break. I plan on hanging out in the gaslamp district and going out with friends. In my contemplative state these past few weeks, I haven't really had a lot to drink (Oddly, I don't like to drink when I'm not in a good mood) but I think I'm ready to get my drink on now!

Hmmm...What to do?

My body still can't really calm down, though I am sleeping better now! I've gotten all caught up in organizing my life. I think it's some kind of subconscious desire to feel in control of my life or something. I have extensive lists full of plans, and it makes me happy to schedule things. Today, I spent 3 hours cleaning. Then I went to the cleaners and dropped off about a month of dry cleaning for my husband and me. I went to the gym. I went to the grocery store and bought food (we had none). I watched Real Housewives and Desperate Housewives. And I sent out resumes.

I worked at a firm before this, but I am seriously tired of the law. I'm tired of always working my ass off in this field. I feel like I'm tired after years of double majors and summer school and tests and simultaneous jobs. So, I've decided to take this time to make a drastic change.

I am looking for non-legal jobs.

Yes, this is tough. It makes me think that I would "waste" all these years of work if I don't pursue law. It makes me scared that it'll sabotage my potential to get a job as a lawyer later. I have also realized how completely unqualified I am for anything OTHER than law, now that I've devoted so many years to it. Unfortunately, all of these years have also instilled in me a certain pay expectation that is difficult to meet when you are unqualified for a job. It's a dilemma, to be sure. I've sent out 4 resumes, and so we'll see what happens.

Tomorrow, I'm considering going to the spa. And then this weekend, I have to go back to Sacramento (the site of the horrible exam!) for a wedding! Can you believe it? I'm still slowly getting back into the swing of things, trying to figure things out.

It's Over.

Hey, so did I call PT B or what? It was a memo to my boss! Except...it said to be objective, but then it said to discuss how we got to our conclusions or something like that, and I took the whole thing to mean that we were to discuss the pros and cons of our case, strengths and weaknesses, likely outcomes, etc. like in the real world. So I did. I hope this is correct. I'm feeling a little weak on the last issue, regarding whether forfeiture violates Section 1600 because I kinda raced through that and said that it did, but on second thought, there's something in the cases that said it doesn't have to be because he could have exercised his options before...or something.

I can think of all kinds of things I messed up on. I can't think of a major one, but I muddled things a bit here and there throughout. This test was ludicrous compared to the last one. I so regret not passing the last time, because if those types of questions had been there this time, I would have kicked ass. On JDjive (a crap site, I know, but sometimes they have some good discussions), people were doing the post mortem on the bar and everyone was kinda all over the place but everyone agreed that this test was very difficult. So I guess that bodes well for the curve. Someone told me that they tested 11 out of the 14 subjects!!!! That is completely insane.

My one big question is whether Question 1 (property) discussed easements, covenants, and/or licenses. People have varying opinions. Overall, I must say that I felt like I didn't get everything perfect, or even close, but that it's going to all come down to the grading and the curve. I simply don't know what you need to have to get a 65-75. I mean, what if you mess up the law? Miss some minor issues? Can you get a 75? I just don't know how they determine it all. If it's "Well, she got the main ISSUES, and she messed up the law a bit, and missed a couple minor issues, okay, 65!" then I'd be okay I think. =)

As for the Sacramento Convention Center...well, I think we all have complaints about our bar sites. Not exactly associated with fond memories. It was my first time in Sac, and the two blocks I saw over the past 4 days makes me forever associate the entire city with trauma. Thankfully, my hotel was like 5 minutes from the test center -- we're talking from my room to my seat in the center! That was fabulous, given the weather and overall stress. The proctors were surprisingly spry -- they weren't a million years old this time, but a youthful 60-70! And of course, there's the nazi proctor who always insisted that my laptop paper lay horizontally, on the bottom and in a perfect 90 degree angle in my ziplock baggie on top of my cover sheets. The only truly horrible thing was the air conditioning that shot out of these massive ducts lined up on the ceiling on the center. It would just blow all this air, so hard that my hair and papers would rustle, and my fingers would freeze, I couldn't breathe, and I was just completely annoyed and cold. Imagine someone blowing a fan on you all day long while you're trying to concentrate. It sucked.

Last night, I rushed to the airport to get home, and looked forward to watching Grey's and Betty with husband. But of course, they were reruns. I thought about drinking, but strangely, the urge was not there. I'm slightly depressed and still wired I think. I went to sleep exhausted around 1:00 and woke up at 6:00. Couldn't fall asleep again.

It usually takes me a couple weeks to get back into the groove. I must now decide what kind of job to take and earn some money. I can't say that I feel good, but I don't feel terrible. I feel kind of...removed from it all. It is nice to not have to study though, and actually do other things without feeling bad. I'm thinking I'll go to the mall and maybe get a mani/pedi. And I have a birthday party tomorrow too.

Life goes on!

No method to the madness

So I'm in between the AM and PM session of DAY THREE, otherwise known as FREEDOM!!! I remember last time, I was so excited to be done during PT B that I kept looking at the clock, thinking, "it's all over in an hour!"

I wrote a quick response to a comment on the MBEs in yesterday's comments as I couldn't log in. Today, I have some free wireless. I'm beyond fazed now with the freakin' bar examiners. I know everyone bitches and groans about the questions each time, but really...EVERY SINGLE QUESTIONS with the exception of Murder was a CROSSOVER. And although Evidence made an appearance as expected, it was unlike anything I've ever seen before. I was prepared for one, maybe two WTF??! questions, but seriously, every single essay was kinda whacked.

Question 4: Wills and CP. Wills again? It's not even an MBE topic! You don't get to test it again so soon! And thanks for throwing in the CP to make our brain go in two different directions at once.

Question 5: Con Law. No freaking way, freedom of speech AGAIN?!! Not only the same topic, but the same issue? I find this conclusive proof that the examiners are trying to f&^k with our minds.

Question 6: Sigh. I'll repeat -- never saw anything like that. Was there a lot of superfluous crim pro info in the beginning?

Now, on to PT B. They may as well give us another P&A. It's all completely random. Maybe a nice memo to my boss. That would be nice.

Good luck, all. The end is in sight.