Life has been going very well these last months, after the $%#!$ of 2007, and I suppose a part of me just wanted to get on with my life, with or without passing the CA bar exam. For me, truly, this journey has been incredibly introspective as well as strengthening. I had some major personal issues going on last year, and a life that was ignorantly, seemingly perfect kind of fell apart.
For the first time, I faced my life, myself, and the decisions that had brought me to this point. And I didn't like what I saw. I saw a woman who had let life happen and had made decisions largely based on image and what I thought was expected of me rather than what I truly wanted. I didn't face my shortcomings and blindly (and probably rather smugly) thought life generally went my way. In the midst of all this inner conflict, the bar exam loomed, an ever-present source of stress and tension. It weighed on me like nothing else -- even if something good happened, I couldn't really enjoy it, because it was always there; lurking like constant bad news. I can honestly say that I don't remember the last time that I was really, completely, absolutely happy. Which would surprise those who know me, because I'm seen as a generally optimistic, cheerful, and even perky person by almost everyone who meets me.
To some extent, life is like that. There are things that are truly out of our control and in the hands of fate and whim. But mostly, life is what you made it. And with that resolve, I set about to make changes for myself that were within my control. After the exam, the bar result were not. So I let it go. I got myself a new apt, a great job, a fantastic gym membership, and just forged ahead. I pulled it together in my personal life. And when I least expected it, I passed the bar.
And now, I can't believe it. I don't even know what it feels like to be completely happy anymore so now that, really, I am, the feeling is unfamiliar and awkward. Life is amazingly versatile, complex, and rich. And the journey is often fraught with unexpected twists and incredible difficulties. But once you reach your destination (or at least one of the stopping points along the way!), you look at the road behind you and the satisfaction is all the more sweet because of it.
6 comments:
Hey Blawgin', great post! That's exactly what I was expecting to be able to write about today. Or something like that, anyway. (;-)>
Thanks for your support on my blog. This thing's tough enough without some stranger piling on.
Congratulations on pulling things together. That's the goal we're all striving for in life. A little balance, a little stability, a lot less stress, the knowledge that your near-term future (at least) is secure. That gives you the stability to start planning for your long-term future. And when that starts to come together, the little day-to-day issues don't bother as much, which increases happiness. It becomes something of a perpetual motion machine.
Anyway, congratulations!
GP
Blawgin',
I'm so proud of you! You have come a long way and deserve to feel on top of the world right now. And YOU did it, no one else.
When you have a minute and have come off your well-deserved cloud nine, do share with us "toadies"(those who "Get It" will know who I mean)your study strategy. I just know you likely put the right mix together, along with the hard work. Like you, I believe important things like the right gym come into play, the appealing apartment/condo surroundings and the comfort and support of good friends and family. I'll bet you have all of that on your side and more.
Again, warmest and sincere congrats. I'm so glad we met, too...
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you to have this after an especially trying year. The feeling must be incredible.
Good luck with everything going forward. It definitely sounds like the worst is behind you and that things have worked out as they should have for you :)
Congrats to you! It is hard to remember what it's like to be happy. People keep asking me "what do you want to do to celebrate?" and I keep forgetting what they are talking about! lol
Well congrats again, onward we go to our futures!
Go figure that you would pass the bar after going through all that crap and having your life change so drastically! I hadn't read your last post about passing yet, so I had only started reading this post and I was getting nervous that you didn't pass, but then at the bottom you said you passed! Woohoo! It sounds like you really needed this, and it also sounds like a sign that you are on the right track with the changes you've made lately. Congrats again!!!!!!
My congratulations! I am so proud and admire of you, hence I am looking forward to hearing from you soon! Our professional top sites offer writing assistance within 24/7!
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