Okay, nevermind!

I had a completely unprofessional moment yesterday. So, you know how I've been looking for non-legal jobs? I had myself fully convinced that I wanted to take a break from law and explore other options while I could. While I do feel that law may not be my ultimate career goal, that perspective has somewhat changed.

I managed to get an offer at a Fortune 100 fashion company, starting at an entry level corporate position. Mind you, it was very unglamorous and entailed doing some retail, but it was a start. I accepted it last week. I was to start on Monday, but then over the weekend, I started to have second thoughts. The salary was pitiful (a little more than 1/3 of what I made at my old firm!!), but I was prepared to take a massive cut in pay due to my lack of experience in any other field. I just started to feel that I couldn't jump to another field yet. My battle with law is not yet complete!! So, in an unprecedented move, I called the company and made up some convoluted reason why I couldn't accept the position. It was mortifying, but they seemed to understand and even said to contact them should my circumstances change.

Did I make the right decision? I don't know. There are those who say that our lives are a tapestry reflecting the decisions we make. We know that we make certain decisions, which leads us down certain roads, which then leads us to other choices that we would not have had we not traveled down that road. I wonder, what doors would have opened up for me if I had gone down that road? It seems that I wonder this a lot lately, with my career, love, and life in general.

Friends think I should have taken the job. It's not something I feel comfortable admitting to people, but I think a major part of the reason is pride. A small part of me feels like I would be taking the easy way out, and maybe my desire to work in another field comes from my lack of success (i.e. not passing the bar) in this field. I explore this in my mind, and think that no, I truly like fashion and would truly like to try other fields, but I want to be sure that this is the reason. I don't want to question myself, nor do I want others to question me. Once I pass the bar, I can do whatever I want to, and I won't have to wonder if it's because I couldn't cut it in law.

But in the meantime, this leaves me without a job. I do not want to go back to my old firm! And so, for the first time ever, I'm taking a break. I'm looking for some temp or part time jobs in law to float me and husband and using the rest of the time to relax. There's also the possibility of doing some work for my old firm on a contractual basis, from home, which would be nice. If anyone has any job suggestions in the LA area, please let me know! :)

Tomorrow, I will go down to San Diego for a mini-break. I plan on hanging out in the gaslamp district and going out with friends. In my contemplative state these past few weeks, I haven't really had a lot to drink (Oddly, I don't like to drink when I'm not in a good mood) but I think I'm ready to get my drink on now!