I can't help but wonder...am I losing it?

In an attempt to decompress and get past this whole studying apathy, I thought I should get a few get-away-from-it-all fun books to read while munching on something yummy. So, at Border's, I thought I'd exchange a book I bought before that I didn't want for some new ones. Using my rewards card. And gift card. Apparently, this was very difficult. And given my precarious mental state these days, I tend to overreact to situations.

Blawgin: Hi. I'd like to do an exchange. Here's the receipt. (Hand over old book and new books). Here's my Border's Rewards card.

Clerk: Whoa. One at a time!

Blawgin: (Puzzled) Um, ok. I'd like to do an exchange...

Clerk: I don't think we do returns over 30 days. This was about 35 days ago.

B: Yeah...well, this is an exchange.

C: I don't think I can do a return past 30 days.

B: (Frustrated, but trying to be nice) Well, it says here (pointing to back of receipt) that although you can't do a return past 30 days, you can do an exchange in the form of store credit at the book's current price.

C: Well, I don't know about that. Let me check. (Proceeds to cover microphone and mumble into it like some wannabe Secret Service agent)

Time passes...more time passes....line grows longer...impatient customers begin to mutter...

B: Excuse me, if you'd just look here, it says in the back that you can do an exchange!!

She ignores me.

B: Excuse me.

Ignores me.

Finally, an efficient looking clerk walks briskly by, with a pile of books.

C: Hey, can I do a exchange after 30 days?

Efficient clerk: Sure. It says so on the back of the receipt!

C: Hmm...does it? (Looks to me) I guess we can do it for you this time.

B: (Excuse me? Is she doing me a favor?! Is this not store policy?!) Gee, thanks. I also want to use my rewards card, coupon, and gift card.

C: Whoa, hold on. One at a time.

(SIGH)

My blood pressure just shot up recalling yesterday's incident. I seriously almost turned into a complete screaming bitch. Fear of bad karma and a need to return to this Border's were the only reasons that stopped me from doing so.

The world needs to be kinder to us right now. We cannot have these irritants, they throw us completely off. Other things that have made me want to hurt people?

1. My yoga pants were hemmed an 2 inches too long. Now, I have to take them back and wait again.

2. Every day, I have to face downtown LA traffic and people either cut in front of me or don't let me in at precisely the moment I want.

3. Husband is sick and he's breathing too loud and in my direction. He's going to make me sick.

4. My boss keeps giving me stuff to do every time our eyes meet. I'm afraid to see him.

5. I hate my hair.

6. People call me and want to talk.

7. No one calls me when I want them to.

I could continue, but it's appalling. I am turning into an unreasonable bitch.

Bye Bye, Trees

It took me about 10 tries to get this batch of envelopes printed for work. Mail merged envelopes that don't fit into the suggested printed margins suck. And for some reason, I kept putting a batch of envelopes in the printer the wrong way, thus printing it wrong, and having to start all over. And then there was the word that wouldn't print. Aside from the obvious pathetic-ness of my task, I just could NOT get it together. In fact, I've been unable to get it together at work this whole week. My boss had to tell me to pay more attention to details -- twice.

My inability to print envelopes made me quite upset. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head, ranging from self-loathing, "If I can't print envelopes, I sure as hell can't pass the bar," to "Who freakin' cares if the address is upside down. It'll still get there." But mostly, I've just been mildly depressed as I sat feeding envelopes into the printer.

A low-grade apathy has settled over me at this point. I need fear, adrenaline, and motivation in equal parts flowing through me the next month -- not an utter lack of caring. Yesterday, I watched Girls Next Door on DVD and thought that maybe I should've just died my hair blonde, gotten some plastic surgery, and dabbled in some acting/modeling/body painting career until Hef found me. That $150K into law school could have been directed into something much more lucrative, and a lot less depressing.

Hello, Alli!

Come on, now....

Ya'll know you're curious. It's the magical pill that burns fat!! It's all over the news, the bookstores, and even my husband has heard of it. My brother has actually bought stock in it. It's Alli, the only FDA approved weight loss pill!!

It sounded intriguing, and I happened to glance through the book while on a study break at Border's. We all want to lose 5 lbs*, right? And let me tell you, it's a lot harder to lose 5 lbs than it is to lose 50. No, seriously! If you're significantly overweight, the pounds will fall off if you try. But when you get down to those last 10 lbs, you completely plateau. You know on that Biggest Loser show, they lose like 20 lbs in one week! Yes, I know it's water weight and they're working their asses off, but my point is that it's difficult to get those last few pounds off.

Should I try it? It's like $60 at Rite Aid. And considering all the pills I'm planning on taking, in addition to the pill and my multi vitamin, on the recommendation of my fellow bloggers, I'm thinking no. You have to severely limit your fat intake, and really, the food at Border's doesn't allow for that. And should you fail, you get some really bad side effects:

- Oily gas. Oily gas! That means...wet farts. Oh, EW.

- Loose, uncontrollable stools. I mean, really, a big problem in the bar exam. That's just nasty.

- Other miscellaneous stomach problems. No thanks.

But other than that, it sounds promising, doesn't it? I'm curious to know how it's going to work out for people now that it's become this huge hit. Will we be seeing a lot of nastiness in public as the side effects kick in? Will I be looking warily at the person next to me eating a bacon cheeseburger, hoping he isn't on Alli?


* or 6, 7...15 lbs

Weird Moods

I've been waking up with dull headaches in the mornings. I remember this. During the last bar prep period, I downed a whole bottle of Excedrin Tension Headache. it was practically my breakfast. I normally do not take medication, just the occasional Advil. I also don't smoke, do drugs, or drink coffee.

Things change.

I now like drugs (legal) and have had two cups of coffee this past week. I have yet to smoke, and I hope I don't pick up that habit. Ever notice how habits change during this stressful time? The coffee started because I literally put my head down and fell asleep, drooling, in public at Borders. I woke up with a start, tried to massage out the creases on my face and ordered some coffee. I find it goes well with chocolate chip cookies. I also never really indulged in sweets either, but now...well...

I'm still an avid fan of green tea, but it doesn't give me that instant jolt that, let's face it, I need at this point.

Oh, and the sleeping? Punctuated by weird, disturbing dreams. Which leaves me in an overall disturbed mood these days...

California Rules of Evidence

A plea for help! I've just realized that my stupid Barbri long outline doesn't cover the CA distinctions in Evidence. ARG!! Does anyone have an outline or Barbri Conviser excerpt of the new rules that they'd be willing to share? I'd be happy to share any of my outlines in return...

I'm so annoyed! And I absolutely positively refuse to shell out another $500 for Conviser. I've already paid an obscene $200 for the long outline. Which means I would have paid $700 for two books! Husband says better to pay that than to fail the bar. Which is true, I suppose, but it's really a last, last resort!!

In other news, I've managed to score an appalling 45% in Con Law MBEs. Must pay attention to questions. Hopefully, you all are faring better. Maybe it's the heat. I can't seem to concentrate!

Progress?

I've managed to get about 30 MBE questions and the rest of my Civ Pro outline completed today. I kinda rushed though the end of it though, with res judicata and collateral estoppel. It was PAAAINFUL to get though Barbri's long outline on Civ Pro to get all the new CA distinctions. I hope the rest of the new subjects aren't as bad. The amount of detail is ridiculous. I mean, do we really need to know that federal rules allow x number of days for an answer and CA allows y? My rationale is that we need fine line distinctions for MBE subjects whereas essay only subjects, you basically need enough information to be able to bull%*&t.

Now I've gone to Trader Joe's and picked up a bottle of red, and am broiling a steak. I'm going to watch a movie, drink, and eat. And try to complete 17 more MBE questions.

Lululemon Rocks!

The Reverse Groove pants from Lululemon. I have them with the pink stripes AND they're reversible to be all black. Two pants in one! If you don't have them, or your wife/girlfriend/female BFF doesn't have them, you must go get them! Not only is it supremely comfortable, but they make your ass look GREAT. I'm serious. I've had people stop me in the street and admire my pants (or maybe it was my ass?).

In the world of yoga gear, Lululemon is my personal fave. It doesn't matter if you don't do yoga! They're the perfect bar exam wear. I just got two pairs of their Rehearsal pants and they are the most flattering, comfortable pants. Unlike the Reverse Groove, the Rehearsal pant features a completely straight leg and folds over on top to slouch sexily on the hips. They're not as tight either. I shall live in these pants as I study for the bar. You will recognize me at the exam as The Girl With the Awesome Pants that Make Her Ass Look Great.

For those of you on the quest to Total Hotness, these pants will aid you. It's casual, effortless sexy -- the best kind! After all, anyone can hooch it up in a mini skirt and a plunging halter with FMBs.

And this is related to the bar because (1) I listened to the PMBR cds on the way to the store, and (2) I will be comfortable and not distracted by uncomfortable clothing during my studying.

Check it out, and tell me these aren't the greatest pants!

Future Judge

I figured out how to upload a picture! And fixed the the annoying sidebar problem! Now, if only I can figure out how to pass the bar so I can become a judge, as illustrated by my brand spankin' new shirt from www.cafepress.com. How cute is that?!

There are all kinds of fun shirts on there for law students and bar takers. Like the famous, "I Own Blackacre" shirt and the ever popular, "Law School. Where social lives go to die."

Hilarious.

I guess being a homophobe can get you fired

Dr. Burke will not be returning to the cast of Grey's Anatomy next season. For many, this is old news! Apparently, he was said to have been very upset when he was informed that his contract was not going to renewed.

They set it up rather nicely when they had Christina return to the apartment after being jilted, only to find all of Burke's personal possessions gone. I wonder how they'll explain his disappearance? Will he embark on a journey cross-country to "find" himself? Or better yet, will he join Addison in Santa Monica?! That would be funny. And what about McDreamy? Will they no longer be reluctant, manly BFFS fishing together and exchanging wry, witty remarks about their respective relationships with their interns?

Although I believe his comments were inappropriate and downright mean, I do commend his efforts to redeem himself. Anger management classes, public service announcements, and numerous apologies seem sufficient. I mean, really.

At least he didn't call anyone a "knappy headed ho."

Civ Pro.

I'm finding it quite difficult to get the new CA info into my civ pro outline. I have the outline from the calbar website detailing what we need, but it's very extensive and detailed. There's no way this much detail was EVER tested on the bar exam! And then it gives us this mysterious statement about "emphasis on the areas where there are differences between the Federal Rule and the California Rules, especially those California procedures of pleading and practice that have no specific counterparts in the Federal Rules or that federal trial courts will look to in diversity cases."

Okay. The pleading rules that differ include a lot of nitpicky details like the time you have to answer a complaint or something. And I have to wade through piles of extraneous information in the Barbri long outline and try to extract the info. It's all very time consuming and annoying. Is there another way? What's everyone else doing?

P.S. I've messed up my blog. If you look at my sidebar, the links and stuff are all the way at the bottom. I have no idea what I did. Any computer/blog savvy people have any advice?

God, this is the "HELP ME" post.

What's Hot in Crim Law!

According to Barbri and other blogs, these are the hot topics tested in Crim law on the exam:

1. The mental states for crime in general, and the specific intent crimes with their particular defenses
2. Transferred intent
3. Accomplice liability
4. Inchoate crimes, especially conspiracy
5. Intoxication defense
6. Infancy defense
7. Self-Defense
8. All time favorite – Mistake of fact
8. Homicide crimes in general
9. In particular, the five defenses to felony murder
10. Distinguish between larceny, embezzlement, and false pretenses
11. Robbery, burglary, and arson

Having taken the exam before (oh, ha ha) and through my current MBE studying, I find this list to be very accurate. Hope it helps!

Should I buy a humidifier?

So I'm sitting at work, and I realize my nose is dry. It's been dry for a couple of days. I wake up feeling mildly uncomfortable. I feel like I don't have enough air in my room at night, but I don't have any windows to open, so I can't do that. Before you think, "How the heck does she not have a window in her room?!," I am not in prison with Paris. I have french doors that open onto a balcony, and I don't like to open those at nights because there are no screens and I am terrified of bugs and other creepy crawlies infesting my place.

I also have an air purifier I use to circulate the air a bit, but this may actually be more drying. It's just like a giant fan. So I was searching on Amazon and came across this adorable humidifer: http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/B000MR4IX6/ref=s9_asin_title_1-serq_g1/103-7609005-7407058?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0FDHCZYFSPBTXYK01198&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=278240301&pf_rd_i=507846

There is also this humidifier, which is more chic and probably more grown up:
http://www.amazon.com/Medisana-Hah1500EBP-Ultrasonic-Personal-Humidifier/dp/B000AF78KU/ref=pd_bbs_sr_4/103-7609005-7407058?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1181836492&sr=8-4

But I was just thinking how I'm going to spend less money, so should I really buy a humidifier? Do I need one? WILL IT HELP ME PASS THE BAR?!

My new schedule

I realized that my work schedule now is eerily like Barbri's morning schedule of lecture. Since I've already gone to those lectures and the info isn't BRAND new to me, I figure it's the same as last summer and working won't hurt my chances...right? So, with that in mind, here's my new schedule:

7:15-7:30a: Wake up, get ready, head off to work. I seriously get ready in 15 minutes. How I do this is explained below.

7:30-8:00: Drive to work while putting on some makeup. Listen to the morning show on the radio because I'm too bleary eyed and tired to listen to PMBR (hey, I just woke up 15 minutes ago!).

8:00-1:00: Work. Doze off. Look at blogs. Try to squeez in 17 MBEs. This is a hit or miss.

1:00-3:00: Drive home, listen to PMBR. Run any necessary errands and fix myself something nutritious yet tasty to eat. Pack a little snack, change into comfy yoga gear, and head off to Borders.

3:00-6:00: Study.

6:00-7:00: Come home, fix or buy dinner, and try to squeeze in a work out. I consider 30 minutes of working out a triumph.

7:00-9 or 9:30: Study.

9:30-10:30: Get ready for bed, some light flashcards and maybe something light to read just before bed so I don't have nightmares!

Ahh. If only it were this easy. Today, I've managed to do a set of 17 MBEs in Crim and scored about an 85%, which sounds excellent but is really inflated due to the fact that it repeated several questions I had already answered! I believe this is my fault, because I take the tests online and on my downloaded program at home. I also click "review questions later" from time to time which probably means they spit them back out at me.

Now, I really need to get going on incorporating the CA new subjects into my old outlines, as well as review one more set of bar exam past essays. But what I really want to do is watch television. Unfortunately, there's nothing on. Please tell me what's worth watching on tv these days! I've just ordered Girls Next Door Season 2 on my Blockbuster online account! 30 perfect minutes of mind numbing and pleasant study breaks.

Yesterday was a bust.

Yesterday was pretty much shot because I had to go to a graduation that was in the middle of nowhere. I tried to get some flashcard action going, and listened to PMBR both ways, but...it was a paltry study day.

The problem with being a repeater is that these concepts are not foreign to you anymore. You know the key terminology, and you just need to fine tune your understanding. So it's easy to kind of tune out when you're listening to PMBR or reading because it all looks "familiar."

I'm still trying to get in 17 questions at work. Then I do 2 more sets of 17 during the day. This time, I'm really trying to focus on MBEs. Like others, I've found Strategies and Tactics for the MBE to be very helpful. And so far, I really like Micromash. I like how it tells you what areas you're bad in, gives you the option to review the question later, and gives you your correct answers by subject and as a whole. I find it more difficult to go through the questions in the books because you have to flip back and forth and write. How lazy is that? But this way, I have the MM software on one half of the screen, and my word document for rules on the other. As I go through, I just jot down rules. Saves time.

It's just bar study in an increasingly impatient society.

Every day at work, I just wait for the time to go by. It's very tiring to get up so early, yet I know if I weren't working, I would probably get less studying done. I do feel that at this point, for repeaters, barring any crazy essay format issues or other deep rooted problems, we can put in massive effort and really kick this thing to the curb. I think for many of us, we're within inches of the finish line and it could have gone either way. It's funny, 'cause this time last year, I was a itchy nervous wreck.

Cuttin' Back

I've sold my Vera Wang wedding dress to fund my bar exam passage quest. How sad is that? Husband didn't want me to, but that's because he doesn't know how much the dress originally cost. When I bought it, I knew I would have to sell it to justify the cost, so it wasn't that terrible...I thought of it as an investment! I think of anything with a substantial resale value as an investment. Husband thinks my logic is twisted, because he says an investment is something you sell for more than you pay for it. Whatever. How often does that happen?

So anyway, we're all having to resort to fancy bookkeeping to take this test aren't we? I kind of think it's funny. Piles and piles of student loan debt, an expensive apartment, and selling of Vera Wang gowns...it's a chick lit book in the making.

SIGH.

Other ways to save money:
1. I don't drink coffee. Yes, you read that right. No daily addiction to Starbucks to gouge a hole in my bank account.

2. I use my Discover card rewards points to get a Border's gift card and use it to buy my tea and other treats as I study. For $20 rewards, you get a $25 Borders card! It's an investment.

3. There's no where to eat near work. So I have to pack my lunch. Although I have to buy food from the grocery store to do so, it's definitely cheaper than buying lunch every day, which my lazy ass would totally do if I could.

4. I eat at my grandma's and other relatives' houses. In the evenings, I meander over to people's houses for food. It's yummy. I also enjoy graduations this time of year. I usually get a great dinner out of it. Of course, I have to buy a gift and it usually cancels itself out, so that may not count.

5. Not going out has it's definite perks. Alcohol at bars are expensive!

6. Not buying new clothes because I'm not going out. All the stuff from before doesn't count. Starting today.

7. Selling books/sunglasses/shoes/bags/husband's things on ebay. Not so much these days, but whenever possible.

8. Downgrading the tv options...no more TiVo for now...BOOO...but with the summer hiatus, there's not much for me to watch, so that's good!

Overall, there are many ways to Cut Back since we're currently unable to Make More Money. And if I could PLEASE get my state tax refund (yet another grievance against the state of CA), that would be wonderfully helpful.

Just a quickie.

Leaving work now to go to the grocery store and stock up on my food for the week. Then I'll go to Borders or the library...I usually go to Borders but am thinking the library may be better. It's so hard for me to concentrate. I seriously think I have ADD. I beg my husband for meds but he won't get them for me.

Thank you, Paris!

For taking up many work hours yesterday morning as I refreshed TMZ over and over again and watched you being led out of your house in freakin' HANDCUFFS and then pulled screaming "It's not right! Mom, Mom!" from the courthouse as your ass was hauled back off to jail.

I hesitate to draw even more attention to this ridiculous trainwreck of a case, but it was good for an incredulous WTF?! yesterday, and I figure that when I look back on this blog, I'll be interested in the riveting current events of the time I was preparing to take the bar for the VERY LAST TIME. =) I'm just going to say these things about this case, and I'm not mentioning it again:

1. I think it's stupid she went to jail. Yes, she broke the law, but most people get house arrest or community service. God knows she could have done more good cleaning the side of the 110 fwy of its graffiti than wasting our money on private cells and 5 personal security guards in our overcrowded prisons.

2. That said, since she did go to jail, just SERVE THE TIME. It's like 3 weeks. I'd gladly trade 3 weeks of jail for 2 months of bar review hell as a repeater. She's by herself, it sucks and I would be totally scared too, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be for someone like her, but come on, what can she do? It would have seriously made her look so much better if she quietly did the time. People already think she shouldn't have gotten such a harsh sentence, so critics and fans alike would at least respect that.

3. She has a mental condition that allowed her earlier release? Are you freakin' kidding me? Um, yeah. I think all the prisoners have overwhelming despair and depression. You're in prison. It sucks. That's ridiculous. It was such a patently obvious case of preferential treatment that it rightfully infuriated everyone and made them hate Paris more. I felt sorry for her the first time she went in, but now, I'm like, just suck it up!

Obviously, my sympathy is at an all time low for people who seem to have it better than me right now. This includes Ms. Jailbird Hilton. How sad is it that I'd rather be in jail than go through this studying? But seriously, don't you think you would do it? Three weeks of jail for a guaranteed pass on the bar exam? I would. I'd use the time in my cell to work on my pilates and work out, emerging as a fit, toned, and tough licensed attorney!

But back in reality, I'm outside on the patio trying to work on MBE questions. On an unrelated note, do you think my employer can track the websites I go to if I delete the history? Just a little paranoid and want to be able to say what I want without having to censor. =)

The Results Are In.

I suck on the MBEs. I'm actually too ashamed to put it down here, for fear that it'll be real. Suffice it to say that I need to hit the Micromash software, hard. CalBar Blondie posted a comment about how the MBEs are very important, and I have to agree! I mean, I always thought so and all, but I get caught up in the whole, "It's only 35% of the grade" mentality. I got involved in this whole intensive essay tutoring thing last time and completely neglected the MBEs. As a result, my scores kinda plummeted. I think I did maybe a few hundred MBEs. The scale was much higher though, so my scaled scored seemed a bit bitter in comparison to my raw score.

On the bright side, my essay scores improved. I even got a 75 on the Wills question! And considering I wrote NOTHING about easements on Property, I was lucky to pull a 60. My evidence question was an all time low, coming in at 52.5, my lowest essay score ever. And I actually studied Evidence because I knew it was going to be on the exam. The never before seen format of the question completely unnerved me.

The sad thing is, if you combine my essay score this time, and the MBE score last time, I would pass! Yes, it took me a while to figure out the calculations, but I did it to cheer myself up. Remember in SAT II how there was the score choice option and you could pick your highest score? I would like to implement that option for the CA Bar!

Now, more than ever, I am determined to rock this thing. The past bar exam was notoriously difficult. I did not feel prepared and I did not feel good walking out (but one never really does, hmm?) . And I still scored in the 1400s. Which means I can do it this time around.

It's like being $1 short at the best sale of your life.

Back to Borders

It was like greeting an old friend. I love bookstores. I love books. But I've found it difficult to go into a Borders in the time between last February and now. I walk in, look at the people huddled over their laptops and books in the cafe, and quickly avert my eyes. I think, " I do NOT want to be one of those people again!," but I feel a strange solidarity with them anyway...

Not to be mean, (don't people always say that JUST as they're about to be mean?) but I've found out that some pretty unremarkable people have passed the bar. People I've known for years, people I've conversed with, people I've gone to school with. I'm not saying I'm better than them, but I know that they're not especially smart or quick or hard workers. Are they just especially...lucky?

Perhaps.

Or maybe they're harder workers. This is definitely my greatest downfall. I've been able to skate by on minimal preparation and bullshit my way through school pretty much all my life. My lazy brain is now thoroughly trained in the art of the "zone out" and picks through data to extricate only the most pertinent information. It seriously refuses to learn more. This leaves me thinking I know the law, but then when I see it applied in a real life scenario (i.e. MBEs and the essays), I may get it confused because I haven't thought it through to really understand. Because you see, this is not just rote memorization. We have to know how it's applied in real life! Obviously, right?

So far, I'm liking the MM software. I have a tendency to glance through the problems and pick random answers without really thinking about it (again, the lazy brain syndrome combined with a truly horrible lack of patience = failing the bar exam) but I'm scoring around 60%. I haven't read over my outlines or anything, so I figure with that and actually paying attention to the qs will bring me up to around 70%. Which is ok...

It's like I'm not studying for the bar.

It's hard not to lose perspectice during this process. Today, I was watching America's Next Top Model at work, and when Jaslene won, she was so ecstatic and all, "This is the best moment of my life!" and I thought, that must be what it would feel like to pass the bar. As if it isn't infinitely cooler and funner (and harder) to become a top supermodel.

I've filled two 3" binders with past CA bar exams and answers. I have yet to receive my scores!! I moved during the time I took it and results, and though I submitted a change of address, the CA bar, of course, sent it to my old address. And I can't ask for another copy until tomorrow. Or else wait like 3 weeks for the ever efficient mail forwarding system to work. So, I'm also trying to do the whole work and study thing, starting this week. I have to be at work by 8:00 in order to leave by 1:00. Today, I got there at 8:30 and left at 3:00. This is why I cannot work and study. I need the time allocation to be respected. I need to leave by 1:00, damnit! We'll see how this goes this week. I have this vision of myself going to sleep by 11:00, arising leisurely out of bed at 7:00, packing a tasty yet healty lunch, and being at my desk by 8:00, where I will spend an efficient morning working and getting some Micromash qs in, and leaving promptly at 1:00. Where I will then go home, change, rest an hour and eat a energy snack, and go to the library by 3:00. I will study until 7:00 and come home to eat dinner and rest and/or work out. I will study from 9:00 to 10:30 and then go to sleep.

Sounds like a good plan, right??