In the words of Kanye West...

"N-n-now Th-th-at don't kill me
Can only make me stronger..."

Oddly, these lyrics keep running in my head. Must've played it too many times on my iPod while running. My famed optimism has deserted me, and I am now just trying to stay calm.

Everyone has a different feeling. Some are actually excited -- like the last burst of energy before death (sorry for the pessimism), some can't wait to go in and take this thing. I get it -- you get your life back. Some are an anxiety-ridden mess. I fall somewhere in that spectrum, leaning towards the latter. I honestly don't know all the rules. Especially the new subjects. I can't differentiate things. And when I memorize one thing, I can swear I forget another.

I've been taking it fairly easy today, probably a total of 3-4 hours of studying. I'm just aimlessly going through essays and rules, trying to re-memorize stuff that doesn't come to me. My biggest problem is that I know it when I read it, but can't regurgitate it when I have to write an essay.

Oh God. After this, I have to go back to the life I've been pushing off these past couple months. Bills, jobs, apt, some random medical bill for $1000 that they just sent me yesterday (nice one, guys), loan repayments....UGH.

That being said, I am fully expecting a Civ Pro question this time around. And a Torts question. And of course, PR in some way. Wishing everyone the best of luck tomorrow!

Pure, Unadulterated Glee!

Coming my way on February 26, 2008. What, you guys aren't waiting with breathless anticipation for this glorious day to arrive? It's the day that Sophie Kinsella comes out with her new book, "Remember Me?" (and that other pesky, life-ruining thing I refuse to discuss right now)

I absolutely love her books, especially the Shopaholic series. They're filming it into a movie, called The Secret World of Shopaholics or something lame like that. It's also being shot in NYC, which is also kinda lame. But Isla Fisher is playing Becky Bloomwood! You know, the hilarious girl from Wedding Crashers -- "Cause I'd fiiind you!" aka The-One-Who-Married-Borat. And they're also making "Can You Keep a Secret?" into a movie, starring none other than Kate Hudson!

Much to look forward to this year.

This one is about a girl who has a loser BF, a going nowhere job (we can all relate), messed up teeth and bad hair. She gets amnesia in some entirely believable way and wakes up 3 years later remembering nothing. But, in a marvelous and quirky twist of fate, she wakes up to The Perfect Life. She has shiny, long tresses, a fab job, a rich, drop-dead gorgeous hubbie, great teeth, and the latest LV bag. I fully expect it meander along in this upbeat, charming way with obstacles, finding yourself, deep realizations about how the so-called perfect life can be...not so perfect...and ultimately, a happy ending. Who amongst us, choosing this career in law, has not come to the jarring realization that this is NOT the life we imagined, or thought we wanted? Right?

So, I'm ordering this book on Amazon, so that it arrives on my doorstep on the aforementioned date and I will have something to drown my depression in as soon as I return home on February 28. I think I'll write my own chick lit one day. And it's going to start, "The name above appears on the pass list for the California Bar Exam..."

Character Evidence, Lipstick Jungle & Hugs

I hate character evidence. It all makes sense when I read through it, but when I read a fact pattern concerning character evidence, my brain freezes. That said, I am determined to learn this one aspect of Evidence today. I will walk in on the 26th knowing this one thing, dammit!

Character Evidence
Evidence of a person's character is inadmissible proof of the conduct of that person unless otherwise provided by law. This applies to criminal cases and civil cases only where character is directly in issue.

The Accused - "I'm a good guy!"
Only the accused can initiate character evidence through reputation or opinion testimony. The prosecution can rebut by cross-examining the witness OR by placing their own witness on the stand to testify about accused's bad reputation or to give their opinion of accused's bad character.

The Accused - "The Victim is the bad guy!"
Only the accused can initiate reputation or opinion testimony about the bad character trait of the victim. Prosecution can rebut by cross-examining the witness OR by placing theirown witness on the stand to testify about accused's bad reputation or opinion as to the SAME trait OR victim's good character.

Specific Acts of Misconduct
Generally, these prior bad acts are inadmissible unless they relate to motive, intent, mistake, identity, or common plan (MIMIC rule). Exceptions: prior sexual assaults or child molestation.

For some reason, it's difficult to get straight in my head! I think I confuse extrinsic evidence (which is not allowed) with specific acts....

But on to more exciting things. I finally finished watching the last episode of Lipstick Jungle. I gotta say, the more I watch it, the more I like it. I love the Victory Ford character's clothes! It's the first time I actually went on those "Seen On" sites to try and hunt down what she wore. In particular, I loved this cream, open necked coat she wore and this gigantic pearl drop earrings she had on. I've actually hunted down the designer and asked about buying them. Yes, I'm a little crazy. I've also been on the hunt for a comfortable (I'm allergic to wool), slouchy, mid-length neutral colored shrug/outerwear thing that's casual chic. Something that I can wrap around myself as I study, and something I can drag with me to the bar...basically, the clothing equivalent of a hug. I need a constant hug! God, at this point, who doesn't?? My gym carries this one: http://www.shopbop.com/kebun-cardigan-love-yaya/vp/v=1/845524441812421.htm?folderID=2534374302031126&fm=browse-brand-shopbysize in a cream/taupe color and I have a coupon...but it's kinda pricey for a hug.

But hey, this is LA. Even hugs come with a designer label!

Pepsi & BBQ Chips

Yum. I've been steadily munching through a bag of BBQ chips as I make my way through Torts. Yes, Torts. It pisses me off that this is supposed to be the "easy" topic and as I read through the outline, I think I understand it, but then my MBE scores are all over the freakin' place. PMBR says we should anticipate 13-14 negligence questions on the MBE, and that sounds like a solid amount. I mean, out of 200 questions, 10 are supposed to be "test" questions and if we can just nail negligence, we can get about 14 questions right! I mean, 14 right answers are huge! It's like, duty, breach, causation, damages! BOOM! Got it! And battery and assault? Puh-leez....the first torts I ever learned. Totally know them! Then I do the questions and Micromash is like, "Um, NO, you moron. You must know that "Kill the umpire" is a common baseball term and not likely to cause reasonable apprehension of bodily harm." Seriously? (Munching furiously through a fist full of BBQ chips) WTF?!

So I take a slug of Pepsi, wishing it were Goose, and continue. Defamation. Love it. Got it nailed. And then the question is like a defamatory statement made in the United Nations and people may or may not speak English. Hmm... These folks are really particular. This really sucks. And my brain hurts.

But you know what? I like defamation. I hope it's an essay question. And this is the format I would use:

Defamation
Elements: (1) A defamatory statement, (2) Of and concerning P, (3) Communicated to a 3rd party, (4) Damages (presumed if libel or slander per se)

In addition, if the the statement was of public concern, there are two constitutional elements that must be proven: (1) fault and (2) falsity (malice if public figure, negligence if private).

Defenses: Qualified privilege, Absolute privilege, Truth (if it is a private concern)

You know, something like that. I would plug in the facts and analyze away. And you know what's a weird little issue that for some reason, I always forget when it comes to defamation? Intentional infliction of emotional distress. I have a hard time with naturally coming up with this one because usually, the folks in the fact patterns are whiny b&*%#es and for some reason, my view of extreme and outrageous tends to be a lot more stringent than theirs.

In the world of law, I am not a reasonably prudent person.

A Change of Pace...

Remember how in the beginning, you used to go to the BarBri lectures, congratulate yourself after the 3 hour lectures because that time you spent listening, surfing the web, and daydreaming counted as "studying", went brain dead for a couple hours during lunch, then spent a couple hours working on beautiful, extensive outlines followed by some MBEs? And of course, we'd read Conviser. Remember that, way back when?

It seems that most of the time was spent just learning this new, Bar exam way of looking at the subjects and most of the time was spent in preparation. We didn't feel comfortable doing essays when we didn't really know the rules, and there were lots of nice, passive ways to study.

Well, those days are gone. Now, we'd bore ourselves silly trying to do the outlines. We are forced to do the essays because we've done all that other crap. Which forces us into the arena of ACTIVE studying. Which my brain does not like.

To be honest, I've barely looked at my outlines. I listen to the Essay Advantage lectures on the subject for a brief overview and pretty much am down to trying to memorize the rules and going through essays trying to spot issues and bring up the correct rule statement. And applying the facts correctly. I know that my writing style doesn't suck, I've come too close and had too many people tell me that I'm writing the way they want me to. I just blank out and forget a couple key issues come game day. That, combined with a mediocre application of the facts to my analysis, brings me juuuuuuuuust....a......liiiiittttle..... shy of 1440.

Damn, that's discouraging. You'd think I'd be all gung-ho wanting to overshoot the whole exam and pass with a 2000, but no. I'm just trying to push myself over the edge a teeny bit and really, just need a bit of good luck. Again, just doin' what I can to squeak by! This is not a good philosophy in life.

And honestly, I just can't, simply can't, study for 8 hours a day. I mean, really. 8 hour days used to be combined with the aforementioned BarBri crap taking up half that time, leaving only a couple hours of real essay practice. Now, I'm expected to do 8 hours of active studying? I just can't. I try. But I can't. Someone please tell me some miracle bar exam stories. You know, the "I only studied for 3 weeks and went on a trip to Hawaii and still passed the CA bar exam" types...

Beautiful, Sunny Day!

So many options. Do flashcards at the pool while sunbathing? Do MBE's by the pool while sunbathing? Listen to PMBR lecture at the pool while sunbathing? Or....read romance novel by the pool by sunbathing?!

I love this sunshine. I'm going to go scare neighbors by flopping my pale, pasty body onto a lounge chair by the pool while muttering the elements of murder under my breath.

This. totally. sucks.

In an effort to remain sane this time around and not go around like an itchy, crazy zombie woman, I've pretty much....um....pretended like this hell isn't happening.

Not really the best study plan.

SIGH. I either study and go crazy or do other things and remain relatively sane. Is losing my sanity worth passing the bar? Perhaps, if it redeems my self-esteem. Today, I managed about 4-5 solid hours of reviewing Crimes. I drove around in traffic to buy used Adachi bar cards from a July 07 passer. I figure these cards will help me memorize the black letter law rules so that I can recall them with the greatest of ease on those 3 magical days. Anyone have any thoughts on these cards?

Tomorrow's plan: Bank, post office, study Crimes, pilates. I am fully stocked on food and really, have no reason to step outside of my insulated little study cave except to stand outside blinking at the sunshine and all the happy people outside who DON'Thave to take the CA bar. But I like to go outside and do something "normal" every day so I don't, again, go crazy...

Lipstick Jungle vs. Cashmere Mafia. Obama vs. Hillary.

So many things to ponder other than the bar. And yet, I am here in a time warp. It's like this whole last year has been a shrine to the myriad of ways I can ruin my life. Sense of self, money, career, love life...all down the drain. Even my hair. I cut it a while back and it looks like a mullet. That's really just the last damn straw.

It's perspective. If I think about it that way, I would get majorly depressed. On the other hand, I can be positive and think about the things that make me happy.

1. Family & Friends. Still got 'em.
2. LV Speedy bag. It's fabulous.
3. Overpriced gym membership. Keeps me in yoga and working out.
3. The return of sunshine here in LA.
4. The $300 in rent I saved this month due to my excellently drafted letter to my landlord regarding constructive eviction.
5. Freedom. In knowing that my life can be anything I want it to be and knowing that despite the trials, I have immense strength.

The Year of the Rat -- Sounds Icky.

Time to rally the troops. We're all lagging on the posts here. In a stark contrast to last summer, the old group of bar bloggers have dwindled to a mere few posts a month, if that... I'm hoping that it's because we're all busy studying, but if you're anything like me, that (unfortunately) is not the case.

UGH.

There's a certain apathy that comes from this. Someone should have told me that law school is actually 4.5 years. I could blame it on the intense personal drama of the past year, but really, it's my laziness that's finally caught up to me. After a lifetime of overachieving through sheer luck and a degree of natural smarts, while deftly gauging procrastination vs. bare minimum effort, I've been found out for the fraud I actually am. I'm not a hard worker. I lack discipline. I tend to scrape by. Yes, we're all smart. At this stage, that's a given. But what separates the men from the boys now is our ability to put forth the grueling effort to surpass this. And as of yet, I haven't been able to do so.

I've taken time off of work, and excuse my few hours of studying per day by figuring that's how much the people who are working are studying, plus the mentality of "I already know this stuff."

UGH.

I am SUCH a moron. At this point, the only thing driving me is the desire to not humilate my parents and grandmother, plus the fact that I simply cannot afford NOT to pass, financially. I don't know if that's enough.

That being said, I'm remarkably sane these days. I'm going through and writing out the rules to the main topics on each subejct because I have a tendency to not be able to regurgitate the concepts even though I understand them when I'm reading them. So I try to say them out loud and write them down as a sort of cheat sheet to use before the exam. And I'm trying to boost up my MBEs. As of today, I've done about 100. This is not good.

It's crunch time.